Nation

No man-cave's safe from corruption by Girl Smells: perfumes, toiletries, and potpourri made from pure shredded angels' wings. Reclaim your pad's aroma, with Hotwicks.

'Wicks were hatched by an Oregonian looking to reproduce the olfactory signposts of a guy's daily life. After months of go-nowhere kitchen trials ("Never try to concentrate the smell of liquid smoke by boiling it on your stovetop"), he outsourced the smellology to a dedicated scent-shop, whose employees also had vast experience squeezing tiny drops of cologne onto magazine inserts. The most fragrant:

Beer: Reminiscent of the stank caused if you had a beer fight in your dorm room, then went on winter break for a month. So, it smells like your current room.

Urinal Cake: Does a bang-up job of masking bathroom odors thanks to its "cinnamony floral" scent, based on the sublime cakes at the Bellagio, which George Clooney heists with his bare hands in Ocean's 14.

Stripper: Close your eyes, and the deliciously cheap bouquet'll transport you to the champagne room -- just resist the primal urge to rub your face in the flame.

Rounding out the flavors are "Campfire", "Grass", "Pigskin", and "Hippie" (smells like weed/patchouli, not Phish). The site also has a "Suggest a Scent" page; after your girlfriend leaves you for smelling like beer/pee/strippers, you'll just want something that smells like "Not Lonely".