Nation

Aside from a single outlier ("Muslim Jesus"), these limited-to-200 tees and hoodies all reference dystopian novels. For instance, "MiniLuv" shouts out 1984, while "Babylon Rocker" and "Corto's Crash" are homages to William Gibson's Neuromancer, whose future-vision is awash with heavy drugs, street samurai, cyber cowboys, and presumably some stuff that's actually dystopic.

This comparison engine compiles sports, concert, and theater ticket prices from over 100 sites, including StubHub, GreatSeats, and RazorGator -- hastening the shocking revelation that, no matter where you turn, Queensryche seats still cost more than $5. (The Silent Liquidity Tour?)

This opener's digital readout records and tallies each brew cracked; also doubles as a How Many Wounded Soldiers You've Left Littered Around the House You Wasteful Bastard counter.

Pop these self-adhesive discs on the inside pits of your shirt, and their 100%-cotton goodness will prevent stains by soaking up whatever your underarms can throw at 'em. Available in beige or black, and in regular size or "Grands" -- because "Sweating Vile Swine" wouldn't fit on the box.

Save yourself from your own refrigerator with this essential resource, which lays out life spans of all your favorite food-toppers. Interesting figures: butter lasts for 1.5 months, margarine for 6; pickles also endure a half-year; you can leave your lox laying around for two weeks; and Cheez Whiz and Bacon Bits never, ever go bad. Ever.