Nation

A case study in unintentional hilarity, this coffee-table hardcover chronicles 3+ decades of famous people who paid people to tell them they sang well. Highlights: a yellow-sweatshirted Scott Baio's self-titled debut, the Fat Boys/Fridge Perry collab, 5 discs with Travolta in various states of undress, and Terry Bradshaw's closing track "He's The Man I'm Looking For" (Lynn Swann? Jimmy Johnson? Oh, the many men of Terry Bradshaw.).

This 'brella's shaft is made of crazy-hard/durable ABS composite material, so it "whacks as strong as a steel pipe" but "never raises suspicions" -- good 'til you encounter the Penguin, and realize you've made the classic blunder: bringing an umbrella-beating-stick to an umbrella-gun fight.

The company developing a Rubik's Cube Wii game is giving one lucky slacker a 1-year term, no-show job that nets them $7+grand, a Wii, and a car, and only requires "wasting time like a pro". The "interview" process is essentially you conveying how incredibly good you are at doing nothing, though the uber-bum they really want has already misplaced the application.

Italian jeweler Nomination's offering two new stainless steel timepieces: the analog London, whose large round dial encloses a circular digital display, and the Tokyo, whose chunky digital readout interestingly displays seconds twice as large as the hours/minutes -- finally, a classy way to inject more stress into your life.

"Guaranteed to cure ugliness", these heavyweight paper bags slip easily over your partner's head to display an attractive face; also comes in Male, for the man so ugly, even an extra-ugly bag-faced chick refuses to sleep with his ugly ass.