Nation

You can get trained on everything from musical instruments to your own musculature, but you won't learn anything if you're a bleary-eyed wreck snorting crushed espresso beans to stay awake. Get instruction on the ideally restful third of your life, with the Sleeptracker Pro.

The Pro's an alarm watch that rouses you during "almost-awake" periods, leaving you more refreshed than would even a boldly experimental strain of Sprite. Basic functionality: pick an absolute-latest wake-up time (if it's 11am, God bless you, Sir), then set a preceding window during which time the Tracker'll go off if it detects you're in between sleep cycles. Advanced features: upload sleep data to your computer, and their software'll crunch it against prompts you've answered to suss out potential pattern breakers, e.g.: "Did you have a pet in bed?" "Did you drink any alcohol?" "Did you watch Van Damme fight/dance?

Conveniently, the Tracker offers a vibrate function, so your nighttime companions/cellmates won't have their cycles disrupted -- meaning you won't have to share your precious espresso beans, because despite your improved sleep, you're completely hooked on those things.