Nation

Part of Ecko's 20+ piece Star Wars line, the 100% cotton Real Trooper is entirely styled after its namesake, right down to a fully zippable hoodmask. When inevitably cornered by bullies, use The Force to convince them "This isn't the nerd we're looking for."

Previously available only in nine states, two pieces of sugar-free VE2 provide as much caffeine as a cup of coffee -- pop four, and you'll already have gum in place to stop the grindies.

Using ultrasound tech to induce plaque-destroying bubbles, this brush'll gently deep clean and brighten your chompers to the point that you'll feel like you just hit the dentist; it was designed by an M.D. in the University of Washington's Department of Neurological Surgery, a man skilled in the science of totally blowing your mind.

Needing directions is lame...unless you get 'em from the voice of K.I.T.T., which is exactly the dream you'll be living with this full-featured GPS rocking customized greetings and an "anamorphic equalizer" -- crime-fighting-car-speak for "flashing red lights".

This simple service lets you track your girlfriend's PMS cycle, giving you a level of empathy she'll truly appreciate as she accuses you of being a selfish jerk who doesn't understand a goddamn thing about women.