Nation

From a design duo that understands "what it is like to be on the brink of implosion", this line of 100% combed ringspun cotton tees feature prints like two crossed six-shooters inside a splotchy red heart, Stalin's bust atop three skulls, and Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man rocking eight extra arms, w/ each hand flashing devil horns, aka, the last guy you want to be behind at the Queensrÿche reunion show.

Featuring ten feet of garment protection, these adhesive super-soft white cotton strips from the flatulence-concealing Subtle Butt scientists can be cut to fit the inside of your collar and then pressed into place, keeping you from being embarrassed by stains -- you'll need the whole package to keep your Shakespearean ruff clean.

Available in four color choices, these knit caps combine the comfort and warmth of traditional winter hats with the supreme style and general awesomeness of a massive beard/mustache, while their name finds the sweet spot between amusing descriptive moniker and sickening command.

Allowing you to fake having a real job, Snap turns your digital camera into a scanner, auto-using perspective and curvature correction to crop, stretch, and flatten images and create PDFs resembling properly scanned docs. Send over a "photocopy" of your rear, and it'll be months before your mom gets wind of your being laid off.

In order to liven up the depressing prospects of watching the Academy Awards, we scoured this year's nominees to bring you a bingo table of 24 randomly generated potential telecast happenings, like unwieldy acceptance throngs, wealthy white person Obama co-opting, and Benicio Del Toro's Oprah-esque weight flux flippin' you for real.