Nation

Heir's back with a line-up of tees lampooning the wheezing economy, including a chainsaw-wielding broker riding atop a bleeding bull, an all-over stock-ticker design that includes the highlighted symbols FANNY MAE, FREDDY MAC, and F*@KED, and the Ralph Steadman steez'd "Fear and Loathing on Wall Street", suggesting it's time to put the economy's ashes in a cannon and straight smoke some peyote.

This uber-compact wiener-cooker uses non-stick rollers to stadium-style four dogs at once, rocks a removable drip pan for easy cleaning, and features heating rods to puncture rolls/baguettes and toast 'em from the inside, leaving you with a warm hole in which to slide your sausage...hey, stop giggling. What are you, in third grade? You are? How did you find out about this newsletter?

TS'll send an old-school, up-to-400-characters telegram, replacing all periods with "-(STOP)-" before printing it up with a vintage look and sending it off to your recipient, who'll curiously prod the mailman to determine just what the hell he is.

Plug in your name, email, and nearest airport, then do the same for a friend, and PVM'll scour the Net for the cheapest flight, then email the info to your designated buddy, and see if the $34 saved is adequate recompense for you sleep-peeing his couch.

This simple bragging rights map breaks down medal winners from the '87-'07 Great American Beer Festivals by state; big timers're headed by CA (474), CO (322), and WI (232), while those left wanting include CT (5), OK (1), and West Virginia (0), whose denizens can do without the cowardly crutch of alcohol to facilitate sweet familial love making.