Nation

Arriving wrapped up in old-timey newspaper ads, Feeney's neck knots come in a range of colors and classic patterns (solids, stripes, paisleys, etc), but the twist is in one of four '50s-style pin-up girls that reside on the underside, which should totally distract people from the fact that he's wiping his mouth with his tie.

Crafting everything to be fully waterproof, H2O pimps a line of fully ergonomic headphones, as well as iPod-holding arm bands with locking bubble closures and touch-sensitive windows, letting your old man rock out to tunes while he swims or just sits in the tub by himself, because someone won't give him a spongebath.

Perfect for any study or den, these authentic-looking maps're hand-burned into ox leather using a technique called pyrography, and come in a wide range of sizes and subject locale, including antique maps of the world based on work by a 16th century Dutch cartogropher, and one of Middle Earth based on work by a 20th century nerd.

This benign-looking baseball hat has back panels filled with a material 110% denser than lead, allowing dad to use the brim as a handle when self-defending himself against vicious attacks from your mouth asking him to pull over so you can pee.

Crazy enough to not dig the above awesomeness? Then drop by GG and shop for your paternal one, using sliding attribute scales to hone in on his style, which'll yield appropriate picks from the Web, from a Jack Daniel's golf flask, to a personalized gallon mug of Tabasco, to a trip to Grizzly Bear Ranch, even though he keeps asking to go to that ranch filled with all those bunnies.