Habilis

Considering the significant cost savings it's not surprising that many jobs continue to be outsourced to India, especially now that...great Vishnu, is that Aishwarya Rai over there? ओ म ग!!! Hop on the outsourcing bandwagon, with virtual assistance from Habilis

Just launched outta the Bharat to lighten your workload/maintain your slothdom, Hab'll act as your very own "lifestyle manager", handling everything from menial office tasks to onerous personal business so long as it can be handled over the phone/Internetz (so...they'll pleasure yourself for you?). Avail as pay-as-you-go task bundles or dedicated 40-160 hr monthly packages, requests can be submitted 24hrs via phone/email/sub form; upon receipt, each painfully mundane chore's immediately forwarded to a member of their "large team of people who are great at time management and getting things done", who'll attack it post-haste and confirm its completion, giving you time to wonder why they have to deal with your crap given their superiority at time management and getting things done. Stuff you'll never have to do again includes office work from data entry to email handling; travel stuff like finding cheap plane tix and setting an alarm (they'll wake-up call you); food tasks from making dinner reservations to ordering groceries; and even buying loved ones flowers and gifts, followed thereafter by listening to your girlfriend yell over the phone for not knowing her size

Since you're sometimes slightly not all about you, you can even buy up services to give to others, because everybody needs an outsourced personal assistant to manage their outsourced personal assistant who's periodically distracted by Bollywood stars.