People have long found ingenious uses for seemingly one-dimensional objects, though when that object's a spouse it's usually easier to just get divorced. But when that happens, they can find more ingenious uses for their leftover crap, as proved by My Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress.
A public exercise in revenge, MEWWD's a video-abetted chronicle from a heartbroken Tucsonite named Kevin, whose wife of 12 years moved out and left behind only her wedding dress, telling him to do "whatever the $%^@# you want" with it (his frustratingly-literal interpretation of which may explain why she left). Some tasty excerpts from the ulterior-use pantry:
Function: Pasta Strainer
Method: Attach mesh interior to filtered water spout and stretch
Insight: "Pasta is a major staple in my house and my kids request Spongebob mac 'n cheese, not the boring ordinary variety. Spongebob is cool."
Function: Dental Floss
Method: Rip off strip from dress's tulle
Insight (after three paragraphs dedicated to how hard the divorce has been on his son): "On another note wedding dresses do not make good dental floss."
Function: Gym Towel
Method: Bring entire dress remnants to public gym
Insight: "I discovered a good way to lose weight and get in shape - divorce."
Function: Sporting Event Banner
Method: Write "Go Cats" on dress with Sharpie and bring it to UofA homecoming
Insight: "I think it's time I come clean and reveal my primary motivation for running this blog. I started playing fantasy football a few years ago and I want to get into [ESPN.com's] Matt and Nate's man's league."
To reach his goal of 101 uses, Kev's entreated readers to suggest new applications, which so far've included everything from Hammer Pants, to a pinata, to toilet paper, as if the dress wasn't leftover crap enough.
Published: May 18, 2010 at 4:00am EDT
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