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Viking's Erotic Resort

Even the best vacation does little to alleviate the most stressful aspect of your daily grind -- meeting that special someone. Get nice on an island full of pros, at Viking's Exotic Resort.

Located at an undisclosed Dominican Republic location, VER's a luxury getaway that augments its island-paradise vibe with a rotating assortment of up to 18 women, all prepared to offer you "full companionship" (no freaky sh*t, but who needs those nightmares anyway?). Upon touchdown you'll be met by a driver, who'll whisk you to a meet-n-greet cocktail hour; you'll then have your choice of one, two, or even three ladies, depending on the package you selected, and the package God selected for you. Amenities-wise, Vike recently dropped 100k on a new open-air lounge and luxury spa right on the ocean, hosts golf tourneys at nearby Playa Grande ("sun, surf, sand traps, and...sex?"), and offers deep-sea excursions -- finally answering the question of which is more difficult, satisfying three women in bed, or satisfying three women on a fishing trip.

Of course, nothing ruins full companionship like creepy old men enjoying the same; rope in six or more of your boys, and you can reserve the whole place for yourselves -- though then you're presented with your 2nd-most stressful constant, deflecting c*ckblocks from your jerky friends.

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