New York

We've just learned that one of the most beloved products of our time might disappear forever once its current stock runs out: the Brief Safe.

The BS is a hide-in-plain-sight method for protecting valuables from New York's most nefarious apartment raiders: burglars, roommates, and that guy claiming your super sent him to exterminate bugs. Basically, it's a pair of soiled cotton briefs, with a "fly-accessed", Velcro-enclosed secret compartment sized to fit money, documents, pinkie rings, whatever. The idea's to leave it on the floor where rummaging miscreants would overlook/avoid it -- but because a man desperate enough to steal might also be desperate enough to examine your unmentionables, the BS is cleverly streaked with... a skid, feces-like enough to dissuade even the most strong-stomached second-story man.

If further deterrence is needed, compound the foulness with a vial of Doo Drops -- which provide the look, smell, and possibly the viscosity of "explosive diarrhea". So order yours before they're all snatched up, and find out what brown can do for you.