New York

As the Quebecois deliver fresh pines to the City and with them the merry stench of Christmas, a man reflects on the true hero of the season: the mighty axe.

189 Spring St, near Thompson 212.966.7040

Serving up bistro grub like grilled portabello and roast duck sandwiches on homemade bread, this cafe doubles as the showroom for Rheon, a Japanese kitchen supply company "speaking the universal language of delicious food and a smile" -- because nothing dimples the cheeks like the WN550 Multi-Head Encruster.

Thru Sat at 174 5th Ave #301, at 22nd; 212.620.4512

Up to 60% off pre-stocked premium cotton button-downs, plus 10% off custom shirts, which are tailored to your "unique physique", a breezily assonant euphemism for your heinous fatness.

Drill down by hood, price, or food type, and this user-curated directory'll return a G-map of matching street vendors -- corner-bound men who once dreamed their establishments' wheels would bring them a life of rolling through the streets singing ebullient songs about nitrates.

Thru Dec 15 at Orange-NYC.com

Half off Orange NYC's 100% pima cotton boxers, available in everything from slate gray to pink, and constructed with a "seamless ass" (the final step in your lifelong march from childhood trap-door PJs).