Serving up bistro grub like grilled portabello and roast duck sandwiches on homemade bread, this cafe doubles as the showroom for Rheon, a Japanese kitchen supply company "speaking the universal language of delicious food and a smile" -- because nothing dimples the cheeks like the WN550 Multi-Head Encruster.

Check out the menu

Up to 60% off pre-stocked premium cotton button-downs, plus 10% off custom shirts, which are tailored to your "unique physique", a breezily assonant euphemism for your heinous fatness.

More info at Cego.com

Drill down by hood, price, or food type, and this user-curated directory'll return a G-map of matching street vendors -- corner-bound men who once dreamed their establishments' wheels would bring them a life of rolling through the streets singing ebullient songs about nitrates.

Find grub with EatStreetMeat.com

Half off Orange NYC's 100% pima cotton boxers, available in everything from slate gray to pink, and constructed with a "seamless ass" (the final step in your lifelong march from childhood trap-door PJs).

Buy online at OrangeNYC.com