New York

196 2nd Ave, at 12th, Basement level; 212.505.BLUE

These days, speakeasies aren't secretive -- they're just bars too lazy to buy a sign. Blue Owl, quietly opening this weekend, actually has something to hide: a 20-person private room cached behind a two-way mirror. Book it, and you'll get a password (texted to your phone just before your reservation), two hours of all-you-can-drink, a dedicated waitress, and your own bathroom -- for sex, or ingesting the substances you periodically trade for sex.

This heart-shaped, fleece mitten set for two is an outstanding way to grow closer to your significant other. Better, if your girlfriend isn't completely lame, she'll help you garrote contemptuous onlookers with the Clothesline of Love.

Sat Feb 11th, 8pm

BYOB isn't just about getting drunk -- it's sometimes about culture. Opera Brooklyn lets you bring alcohol to their casual, mercifully abridged operas. Due to heavy interest the Opera won't release performance locations 'til after you've made your reservation, but we know tomorrow's show (Donizetti's Elixir of Love) will be held near Rockefeller Center. Tickets go fast, so email now -- or risk watching your next opera sober.

215 Thompson, between Bleeker and W 3rd; 212.505.1798

Gente sells vintage-style national team track jackets from around the world, and for $50 a pop they're a fashionable way to betray America during the Winter Olympics. We suggest going with a dark horse like Portugal, or even Mexico, whose freestyle ski team is poised to shock the world.

Queensbury, NY

Need a water-based vacation but dislike hypothermia? Hit White Water Bay: a climate controlled, glassed-in water park attached to Six Flags' Great Escape Lodge, which just opened this week. Even in February, you'll enjoy waterslides, a wave pool, and peeing in the lazy river.

Shed the perception that you're relentlessly self-involved by giving to this munificent charity. Please check out their site -- your contribution could bring hope to the lives of these tragically disadvantaged children.