Molly Crabapple's throwing a one-year anniversary party for her debauched figure-painting classes, wherein novice portraitists chug booze while attempting to capture not-dressed burlesquers. The birthday bash'll feature music, go-go dancers, a giant naked lady cake, and a performance by the disturbingly male-yet-buxom "The World Famous Bob". Slices of cake are free. Fortunately, slices of The Bob are not.

Art class info at DrSketchy.com

In Old School, this cover band proved they could convert sappy 80s pop songs into hilariously earnest, hypersexual overtures simply by inserting a word like "f*cking", "f#cking", or even "f$cking". Besides Dan-appropriated staples like "Total Eclipse of The Heart" and "Flashdance (what a feeling)", they might also treat you to songs off their Xmas album, simply entitled "Ho".

$30 at TicketMaster.com

A. Chang miraculously blends Chinese exoticism and Northeastern blue-bloodedness to create distinctive-yet-not-embarrassing casual sport jackets. R. Scott's menswear merges modern American with rustic English. With up to 80% slashed off both, you could become the most exotic-rustic-modern Chinglish blue-blood in town.

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The words "new midtown brasserie" might not cause your heart to thump out of your chest, but a house meatloaf made with veal, beef, and shitake mushrooms should at least dent your ribcage. You could go with the standby (steak frites), but between the young cow and the old cow, the 'loaf is the shitake.

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