New York

Muggers, gang-bangers and soccer hooligans aren't impressed by skinny guys whose scrapping experience is limited to a smattering of Tae Bo. To get a monster weight workout and learn lethal skills in the process, take Street Boxing at ThirdPower Fitness.

Street Boxing's the angry baby of Edward Rush, a former army boxer/power-lifter who's synthesized boxing, Muay Thai, Aikido and Bondo with grueling stacked weight training. The routine starts with explosive presses and squats. After each set, Edward suddenly attacks you like a crazy man out for blood, cash, and possibly shoes.

Since every maniac's different, Edward'll train you to defend against attempted strangulation, knifings, and, most importantly, "the haymaker" -- the favorite punch of methed-up thugs, and other untrained brawlers.

The integrated regimen's rationale: if you can fend off Edward right after exhausting your muscles, you'll be doubly effective when fresh. Further, the weights make you large, and according to Edward:

"On the street, The Law of Mass Tonnage Must be Respected"

If you're up for it, Ed's offering three free sessions to Thrillist readers who call in before August 15th. If you're too lazy for free training, just print the above slogan on an XXL tank top, and start eating.