Since the dawn of time man has flaunted his conquests, whether by wearing scalps on a belt, or notching sexual conquests on a bedpost, which is difficult on many levels when you sleep on a futon. Letting you proudly display gustatory prowess, Lizarran, opening next week.

The first New York outpost of a globe-conquering Spanish concern, Lizarran's set up shop in a long, sky-lit, exposed brick sleeve adorned with dark wood beams, striking B&W images of Iberian culture, and, surrounded by elevated copper booths and stools, a central "pintxos" bar: a traditional Catalonian stage for a staggering array of bite-size morsels held together by toothpicks, which're kept at your table and eventually counted to determine your tab...so, screw mom, eat those toothpicks like you've always wanted. Often mounted atop a small slice of freshly baked bread and made with imported DOP products whenever possible, the seasonally-changing 200+ dim sum-style noshes include standards like tortilla de patata (potato omelette) and gilda (an olive/anchovy/pepper spear), plus house specialties of quince paste y Manchego, smoked salmon stuffed with crab, and Emmental & chistorra, a pork sausage from the Basque region that's the bomb. For healthier appetites, the kitchen's pumping out tapas like Andalusian-style fried squid and scrambled eggs w/ cod & pepper, plus entrees from grilled salmon with Cabrales cheese sauce to rib eye w/ piquillo peppers & potatoes; there're also three saffron paellas, including the chicken/ribs/shrimp/calamari "Mixta", who you'll beg to get you outta there when fullness hits you like an air conditioner.

Tipple-wise there're Spanish brews and a mostly-Spanish wine list also stocked with pocket-friendly sangria and sherry, the mass drinking of which will ensure, futon or not, yours will stay intact.

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Somebody should 'pintxo' you, because this menu is dreamy