Awesomeness knows no bounds, except maybe Outward Bound, which just strands you in the wilderness and tells you you can drink your own urine three times before it becomes toxic. Actually...damn, that is kind of awesome. See? Officially deciding the best thing ever from a staggeringly open-ended list,The Most Awesomest Thing Ever.
From a BK-based digital creative agency who decided it was time for the internet to determine the thing that is indeed the most awesome, MATE only restricts what can enter the fray on the grounds that it is, indeed, potentially awesome, and endeavors to accomplish its goal by "endlessly pitting two things against each other...creating a stage set for destruction", assuming what's being destroyed is your productivity. Immediately loading up two contestants (complete with a photo of each and link to Wikipedia page), randomly generated battles include Chocolate vs Friendship (chocolate wins nearly 4 out of 5 times), Dear John Letters vs Scooby-Dum (cowardly breakups edge out Scooby's coz), The Pencil vs Hiroshima (Hiroshima drops the bomb on writing), and Saved By The Bell: College Years vs Flatulence, where no matter the winner you're dangerously close to a piece of crap. MATE also tracks every item's individual W-L record and ranks each one accordingly, maintaining a list of the top 100 most awesome things (#1 Internet, #7 A Nap, #30 Tyrannosaurus, #67 Profanity), and "93 Inadequatest" things, which counts among its ranks Parade magazine, the WNBA, and Glitter, about which it's really irrelevant if they're referring to the decorative substance or the decorative Mariah Carey vehicle.
Users can even submit items for battle so long as they provide a Wikipedia link and a photo, but they have to be PG, because while awesomeness knows no bounds, apparently the Internet's tolerance of it does.
Published: April 20, 2010 at 4:00am EDT
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