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If you still fantasize about Animal House-style sorority girl pillow fights, grow up: For the first time ever, the Pillow Fight League is coming to America, and it will knock your teeth through your lip.

Founded in Canada in 2004, the PFL numbers 22 female fighters, all hell-bent on fluffy pugilism. The rules are UFC-like in their brutal simplicity: most anything goes, as long as the pillow is used at the point of contact. Particularly electric moves include a concussive roundhouse to the temple, or a crushing, pillow-padded thigh-lock around an opponent's neck. The bloody fallout has included incisor-pierced gums, separated shoulders, and badly bruised... pillows. A ref and a three-judge panel are on hand to ensure sportswomanship, but not even they can reinstate the cuddly, slumber-party innocence you cherished as a masturbating youth.

Make no mistake: the women of the PFL train hard (mostly in pillow-modified mixed martial arts), but they do hold amateur tryouts at each bout. So if you hit the Williamsburg event with your girlfriend, you'll never sleep soundly again -- knowing that each night you're laying your head down on feather-stuffed pain.

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Tickets for this event are very limited. Grab yours at SmartTix.com.