New York

They say these days everybody's a DJ, but who gives a crap if the everybody in question is ugly as three-cheeked butt? Amp up your party with a model DJ, from Stadj.

Run by a Bklyn-based husband/wife intolerant of average-looking jockeys, Stadj will hook up any sized party with professionally attractive women who also happen to be professionally trained DJs, thus giving them a skill to fall back on when they inevitably balloon to 85 pounds. Sponsored by Denon and spinning iPod-pluggable CD turntables, each DJ's mentored by the hubby, a 20yr club vet who co-founded Israel's first DJ school (thrilling those Christians who think Jesus will only return if the Holy Land's bass is jumpin'). The staff's modeling cred includes spreads in everything from Maxim to Cosmo South Africa, appearances on The Tyra Banks Show, and key slots in videos, including Jay-Z's "Roc Boys" and Sting's "Stolen Car", a song that imagines a car thief longing for a normal life. F*ck you, Sting.

Stadj reps 15 women now, but plans to expand their stable to 30 by this summer -- hire one, and you can just go ahead and lose DJ Lazy Eye's card forever.