With its tattooed leviathans swimming through a sea of testosterone, football is the ultimate no-comfort sport, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't treat yourself like a pampered slug while watching it. Go white-trash-luxe with Rockstar Limo's new Tailgating Packages.

The RI-based uber-upscale limo service has launched premium tailgating options just in time for this Sunday's manhandling of the Chiefs, who dropped to 25th in total yards last season after Larry Johnson quit causing defenses Nigerian Nightmares. Packages start with VIP Tailgate, which consists of concierge-style ticketing service for you et crew, catered tailgate grub, and the option of a 22-person limo bus featuring leather perimeter seating, three wet bars, two DVD flat screens, privacy shades, and even mood lighting, which you'll reflexively set to "seductive" before remembering you're surrounded by guys. To appeal to shot-callers as well as ballers, RS also offers the "Platinum Game-Day Experience": a fully catered, 30-75-dude private suite at Gillette w/ plasma screens & kitchen, which you'll arrive at via a fully catered "best-in-class transportation" signature luxury touring coach with five satellite plasmas, leather captain's chairs and couches, full kitchen, internet access, Xbox, DVD, and even VHS, if you decide you'd rather just stay in and watch old Bar Mitzvah videos.

If you've got more refined taste/fewer friends, RS'll chauffeur you in vintage vehicles like a '61 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud and a cherry red '62 Cadillac convertible -- your very own land yacht, swimming in the sea of Parking Area D.

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