Own Cyberoptix Tie Lab

As Czeslaw Milozs once sagely observed, irony is the glory of slaves. Shackling your neck with fashionable cheekiness: Cyberoptix Tie Lab.

CTL's a rebelliously ominous neckwear collection created by Bethany Shorb, a NY native and former haberdasher for Skinny Puppy who decided not to gamble her future livelihood on the success of "Canadian industrial rock". Available in microfiber/silk and narrow/normal widths, the most menacing offerings range from the mangled plumbing of Exhaust Pipes, to the straight razor-bedecked Cut Throat, to the Masonically-tipped All-Seeing Eye -- this one with tears flowing, perhaps due to its proximity to your wang. To balance things out, rock one of the more prosaic designs (Sakura Cherry Blossom silhouettes, Iris flowers), part of a series called "Kinder and Gentler" -- just like George HW Bush said, before curbing Noriega and immolating Iraq.

Just in time for June (neat!), CTL's also throwing out a Wedding Party deal: custom-colored matching ties at a 10-20% bulk discount -- allowing your neck to shout "financial freedom" even as your ring finger says "owned".