Two things you don't want in a pair of sandals:

• Overly biblical kicks that give the impression you came to the beach to redeem sinners.
• Designer "mandals" -- because walking around with no shirt on and $220 strapped to your feet is for hopeless poseurs.

Our recommendation: The Fanning, by Reef -- slick and comfortable, with a special bonus feature that will leave you gasping for beer.

Reef claims The Fanning was modeled after technical aspects of Aussie surfer Mick Fanning's wave-riding maneuvers. We have no idea what the hell that means. What's more fascinating to us is the bottle opener Reef has built into the sandal's tread. Though his rep somehow escaped our notice, Fanning's apparently a heavyweight international party boy, and the opener is a tribute to his penchant for carving up oceans of booze.

We're not promoting The Fanning based on gadgetry alone; like the rest of Reef's surf gear, its overall quality is unmatched. But we love that The Fanning alleviates the need to carry a bottle opener, or crack open your Duff on a rock, a fencepost, or a passed out Mick Fanning's front teeth.

As for fashion, the color schemes are similar to a good retro sneaker, with the most attractive model carrying the Brazilian soccer team's green and gold. The opener doesn't detract from the style, either, as it's scarcely noticeable. Women not in the know will just assume that you opened your beer with hands as strong as your penis is enormous. Ironically enough, that assumption should eliminate your need to impress women with anything as recklessly exhausting as surfing.

Add this to My Thrillist