99.99% of advertising is too insipid to inspire you to action, which is why Suzanne Somers condo's stacked floor-to-ceiling with BodyRows. Introducing the .01 percenters: Aidsvertising.

The handiwork of a sextet of anonymous/insensitive ad men based in NY and points abroad, Aidsvertising goes where anyone with either a paying client or a sense of shame fears to tread. Witness their departures, which appear on their website without our cowardly redactions:

Batteries

Regular advertising: Duracell. Long lasting. Powerful. Dependable.

Aidsvertising: Look at these f*cking goddamn batteries. These bastards will dominate your sh*t with energy and then after they're done f*cking your girlfriend you charge them for another 500 f*cking pictures. You see that bold AA? It stands for Amazing Ass batteries. Now go buy these f*cking batteries you consumer f*ck.

Crackers

Regular advertising: Triscuits. A tasty romance awaits.

Aidsvertising: Holy m*therf*cking christ on some crackers!! Look at them bitches! All five of em. You want to shove these dry f*ckers right in your gaping pie hole. Got ridges on them to hold other sh*t.

Minerals

Regular advertising: Every kiss begins with Kay.

Aidsvertising: Holy sh*t it's bismuth! That's right you c*ckbags. This sh*t is so awesome it f*cking hurts to look at. F*ck diamonds, f*ck polybenium, f*ck carbon, they're f*cking posers. This is serious bismuth bitches, goddamn.

If you think you can be this m*therf*cking inspiring, submit your own work -- and soon, those t*tsucking Salad Shooters will start flying out of your nob-gobbling storage unit.