New York

Whether finding dates via eHarmony (for romantics), JDate (for Jews), or STDFriends.com (for "friends"), one thing's for sure: the profiles are big, fat lies. Bypass fraudulent courtship and go out tonight with CrazyBlindDate.com.

Designed like an open table for strange ass, CBD's a free dating site minus the pitfalls of personal pages, online flirting, and photos that do little to convey that the green-eyed object of your attention has junk like Grimus. Simply select your desired date type (a brave single, a safe double, or a desperate "either"), then days available, e.g., tonight, tomorrow, or "some other time(s)," the latter revealing that even as you take this brave step forward, you're still a wincing coward. Finally, select a preferred rendezvous 'hood; options include Manhattan, Queens, The Bronx, Brooklyn, Hoboken, or Jersey City, but not Staten Island -- because if you can't see a picture, you're not hopping a ferry.

CBD does require a profile, but you only fill in as much as you want, and nobody sees it until after they've gone out with you -- when she'll realize that what she assumed was short-fatness was actually "petite but voluptuous".