In this fretful climate of Cold War-style blade-count escalation, a lone voice cries out to stop the madness. Glasnost your face with the Merkur Futur.
The titan of the single blade, Merkur got in the razor game over 100 years ago -- paving the way for the facial hair virtuosity of Kaiser Wilhelm II and his almost-world-beating upturned Imperial moustache. Shaped to fit your thumb and forefinger, the Futur's double-edged blade offers six clog-preventing closeness settings; meanwhile, its elongated stainless steel handle's endowed with heft so sword-like in its balance, Inigo Montoya would use it to rob the Six Fingered Man of his natty goatee. Operating this MF's a bit different than a standard razor: lose the short, quick strokes for nick-deterring long ones, and before you know it, your face'll be smoother than John Oates' bass playing (but not his lip, because despite his recent whiskerlessness, a soul 'stache remains).
Unlike with a drugstore razor, replacement blades only run about fifty cents, and'll last a week -- by which point the other razor companies' brinksmanship will have brought about a 50-bladed apocalypse.