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Stop learning, and your brain will slowly atrophy -- the same grapefruit-to-kumquat process that'll happen if you don't stop drinking. Find a healthy, Thornton Mellon-esque balance at Accademia di Vino, opening Wednesday.

A massive, vino-laden grotto created by 'Cesca's Anthony Mazzola, Accademia offers 500 different Italian wines, a truly comprehensive stash on par with the tomes of Alexandria/your Sweet Valley High collection (unabridged). To introduce the subject manageably, the restaurant regularly rotates 20 wines-by-the-glass, pair-able with a selection of traditional dishes, e.g., Sicilian tuna tramezzini, king salmon carpaccio, and a roasted pork panini -- a Renaissance-era sandwich perfected by Quizno de Medici. A mind expanding atmosphere's provided by school-desk-inspired, cubby-equipped, bar-high tables and walls bedecked by slate blackboards -- for listing daily Tuscan and Veneto varietals, or repeatedly scribbling "I will not drink the wounded soldiers of strangers."

For those special kids who can't pay attention through an actual meal, Accademia also offers a street level bar -- a place to pay lip-service to education, while quietly atrophying until it's time to take a job at a gas station.

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