Cocktail lounges are great when you're in the mood for flamed tangerine peels over organic, kumquat-infused gin frappes, but if you're out for no-BS boozing, you need a no-BS bar: Smith and Mills, opening today (or possibly tomorrow).

Run by Employees Only vets, S&M's a studio-apartment-sized watering hole that looks like the sort of Depression-era hangout where overworked tradesmen went to guzzle away their daughters' Iron-Lung funds. Despite the owners' cocktail pedigree, drinking'll take primacy over drink-making: there'll be cocktails, but nothing complicated and shaken, only simple and stirred -- sparing you long waits for refills, and sparing the bartenders martini-induced Tommy John surgery. The menu's similarly straightforward -- oysters, pickled fish, cold roasted chicken, etc -- with chow available 'til an hour before S&M's 4am closing time (a rare late-night Tribeca option for overworked bankers, and stalkers who blame Robert DeNiro for their staggering AMEX charges).

If for some reason you find yourself missing cocktail-lounge ornateness, check out the magnificent pisser -- built into an antique elevator, with a fold-up sink salvaged from an old train, it's the only spot in the bar where shaking's preferred, and stirring's discouraged.