Nation

All the work you put into your fantasy football season -- the hoarding of pre-draft knowledge, the incessant micro-management, the passionate avoidance of real work -- is for naught if you can't come up with a zingier team name than "DaBears69". Rub shoulders with some winners, at FantasyTeamNames.

FTM's an armory of user-submitted/-rated fantasy team monikers, running the gamut from sex-puntastic (My Vick in a Box, Romosexual Tendencies), to blindingly original (Eagles), to purely factual (Al Davis Wears Depends). While football-heavy right now, there're also troves of appellations for baseball (Byrnes When I Peavy, Preparation HGH), hoops (Ron Artesticles, Jews For Jesus Shuttlesworth), and even hockey (Vanek at the Disco -- a sea change from Canada-homages like Odd-Man Rush Concert and Sowing Bryan Adams' Oates). Lurking in the shadows lie the Nascar entrants (Fantasy Nascar = No Nascar), with winners like "Shake and Bake" and "Rubbins Racin" -- proving that Nascar fans only like their sport because they saw it in a movie once.

If FTM's name-roster doesn't inspire you, try their blog, which rolls out a 4-point plan to a blow-the-doors-off moniker, including "player-focused names stand out" and "if you can't think of anything funny, just be gross", with their example being "Ann Coulter's Period" -- funny, but itself also all for naught, because she's about as womanly as Da Bears.