Tired of spending Valentine's Day alone, but frustrated with Russian-bride websites that lack the quality you demand? Try Bride.ru, the former Soviet Socialist Republic's premier matrimonial service.

Bride.ru offers the American businessman more than 700 soulmates per week. Because you're too busy minting money to sort through the chaff, Bride.ru has separated the girls into "Silver" and "Gold" classes -- based upon comeliness, personability, and willingness to seduce a mummy. Would-be-wives also share pertinent information (Speak English? Got kids?) -- so there won't be any surprises when you find your dream woman waiting on your doorstep.

Other exemplary features of Bride.ru:

• Many of the girls are into the same things you are, like detective novels, disco dancing, and "shaping".
• The girls are "very serious", and so is the service. As evidence, consider this testimonial from Christer (Sweden):

  "You are one of the best services in the market -- and what I have understood -- you are very serious."

• With the exception of Christer's, testimonials are signed with first and last names. If Larry O'Dean (USA), Dr. Cellalettyn Sonmez (Turkey) and Pierre-Yves Rambert (France) aren't ashamed of their affiliation, you won't be either.

Unlike some competitor sites, Bride.ru isn't a scam. It's just hundreds of lovely Slavic women looking for love and the opportunity to leave behind the chaos and privation of post-communist Russia. So if your boss catches you surfing the curriculum vitae of Ekaterina (from Chelyabinsk), don't cower in shame. Instead, invite him to join you, and assure him that he too can find his Valentine on Bride.ru.

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More info at Bride.ru