New York

With assaults by paper targets on the decline, honing practical pistol skills on a Manhattan shooting range is impossible. To learn gunslinging techniques you have no business knowing, enroll in the New Jersey Firearms Academy.

NJFA is a comprehensive weapons training institute based in Jersey City, where founder Lateif Dickerson teaches courses in everything from basic handgun safety to bounty hunting certification. You'll have to start with the former, but after that you can dive right into advanced handgun techniques for your dangerous urban life: how to quick draw, speed reload, hit moving and multiple targets, and shoot from the very ground you get so often thrown to by menacing teenage bullies.

Once Lateif's confident you won't suffer terror-induced bowel discharges, he'll move you into real life situations. These include everything from tactics for dark hallway shootouts to a parking lot lesson in valuable anti-carjacking skills -- or, if you slip your instructor a $20, valuable carjacking skills.

NJFA does count law enforcement professionals (and mercenaries) among its students, but don't be intimidated. Many of their courses are as amateur-friendly as the Internet, as evidenced by their bachelor party package: 2 hours of safety instruction followed by a 2hr prenuptial shooting fest -- because just like with self-defense, the key to a successful marriage is expert gunplay.