Wearing a bow tie used to say something about a man, and that thing was usually, "My name is Tucker Carlson". But now, thanks to fresh handmade designs from the likes of Wichendon-based Grip And Word, bow ties are no longer just the domain of conservative pundits, and Riddick Bowe when he does appearances at nicer bar mitzvahs. Because you've got to choose wisely, please consult this brief guide:
If you... only quote pre-1985 Bill Murray movies; find Sigourney Weaver or Rick Moranis attractive; are actually the Keymaster of Gozer.
You Should Wear: The Clortho, a Ghostbusters-referencing cream cravat adorned with old-fashioned black skeleton keys.
If you... enjoy making that hand gesture that means hang loose; watch Hawaii 5-0; only rep states ratified in the 20th century.
You Should Wear: The Luau, made from an old Hawaiian shirt, which subtly tells the world, "I'll talk to you about supply side economics, but only while wearing Tevas".
If you... like fire; support the Chicago Fire; hate Smokey the Bear's hypocrisy and bossiness.
You Should Wear: The Inferno, a black cotton yoke featuring "brilliant orange and yellow flames".
If you... attended St. George's in Newport, then majored in History at Trinity, and have four children, at least one of whom you've named Buckley.
You Should Wear: The Grand Army of the Republic, as it boasts a red-white-blue stars & stripes motif, and anyway, you actually are Tucker Carlson.
Published: March 29, 2012 at 4:00am EDT
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