Since all you ever wonder about at a strip club is what those girls really think about the "No Touching" policy life's greatest quandaries, your favorite Physical-Challenge-taking email newsletter bit the bullet and went to The Penthouse Club's grand opening with enough Sacajawea coins to get those (and more) questions answered, courtesy of six clothes-removing professionals. Start feeling smarter in 3... 2... 1...
Whiskey or Bourbon? Jordan: Neither... but I love Scotch. Simea: [While housing a beef slider] You mind if I eat during this?
Obama or Ninjas? Simea: Obama... as a ninja. Nikita: I'm Asian, so I gotta go ninjas. Jordan: Yeah, ninjas, they have those nunchucks that look like dildos.
Pogo Sticks or Skip-Its? Jordan: Oh, [places hand on Thrillist's thigh] I'm definitely more of a pogo stick type of girl.
Mario or Luigi? Jasmine: [Staring at Thrillist's feet] What size are your shoes? Jordan: I like Luigi, he's green. Simea: Ugh, they both have plumber's cracks.
Striptease or Showgirls?
[Jordan gets up and wanders away] Nikita:Striptease. Are you kidding me? Showgirls is f***ing stupid, like, just really bad acting.
"Jesse's Girl" or "Stacy's Mom"? Nikita: "Stacy's Mom". I mean... I'm gonna be her someday.
Unicorns or Leprechauns? Jordan: Unicorns 'cause... they have horns!
Bloodhound Gang or Pussycat Dolls? Jordan: [Singing] You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel... Jasmine: Pussycat Dolls. I know a thing or two about p*ssy.