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No hablo lame tees

San Diego

Be sure to brush up on your language skills by watching Spanglish six to 11 times, before checking out Mascara De Latex, a Spanish-only, just-south-of-the-border online tee shop featuring clever mashups combining video games, pop culture, and comics, though thankfully not the kind that hang out with Lisa Lampanelli. Prepare to sheathe your torso with choice options like:

Forever Hylian: Assuming you haven't already purchased this from the gift shop in the Bazaar in Kakariko Village after being granted passage to Death Mountain by the Keaton Mask Soldier, you should probably buy the blue Zelda-shield-repping number now. Just know that this time it's probably going to be slightly more than 80 rupees, and that's before tax.

Mr. TT: What would happen if the bird from Twitter and Mr. T had sex? A pretty edgy video tape, probably, but then nine months later, the thing on this tee (NOTE: you kind of have to assume the Twitter bird is a chick).

Capitan Mexico: Imagine Captain America. Now imagine he grew up south of the border, wore green tights, had a shield with some Mayan stuff on it, and liked to yell something in Spanish that's pretty hard to decipher. Yeah, that's the tee.

Super Mario Ninja Turtles: The only thing better than Super Mario is the Ninja Turtles, and the only thing better than the Ninja Turtles is sex with Ed Begley, Jr. But you're not an A-list model environmentalist, which means you can't have that, so get the next best thing: a tee featuring the Koopas all Ninja Turtled out, recalling the only other thing to go down the drain that was as entertaining to watch as Sandler's career.

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