thrillist

Chapter 1: The $3 Margarita at Pecado Bueno

Frank: Aunt Trudy said we might find dad here, but all we've discovered so far is this super-affordable drink. And that she's apparently a lying windbag.

Joe: That's true, but there is a sweet firepit I know Iola would just love. Frank [takes a sip of his marg]: Man, these go down easy...kind of like Iola. Heyoooo! [Attempts to high five Joe, who says nothing and looks blankly into the firepit, which is a metaphor for him internally smoldering].

Joe: Anywayyy, I heard the owner keeps the prices down by using fresh lime juice, tequila, and nothing else. Frank: Let's order another and ask him... about where dad went. Joe: Oh right. That.

Chapter 2: The Saint's Blood Orange Margarita

Frank: Rumor around Bayport is that these guys don't mess around with tequilia, they just add fresh, seasonal ingredients.

Joe: You can have your girly blood oranges. I'm going to take down this fresh jalapeno one, and pout about your Iola comment from Chapter 1. Frank: You do what you what, drama queen, but I'm kind of getting the feeling we're being watched. We'd better leave. Besides, we've got a mission.

Chapter 3: Mission's $50 Margarita

Joe: Muddled slices of fresh fruit and a couple shots of Patron Platinum... according to at least one Bayport criminal, that's one more than dad ever needs to hit his mark.

Frank: Look Joe, they even give it a splash of the 100yr Grand Marnier that dad was swigging out of when he punted our basketball over the fence to help us build character. He must have been here!

Joe: Wait, shut up. Chet just walked by. Frank: Chet Morton? Joe: Who else would it -- oh crap, I think he saw us. Pretend to be on the phone while I ask the bartender about dad.

Chapter 4: The Caliente Margarita by Carta De Oaxaca

Joe: Man, Frank, with just a touch of organic lime juice to cut it, this spicy concoction is harder to take down than that French policeman you may, or may not, have killed.

Frank: Very funny Joe, but while you were distracted by the chili-pepper-infused Sauza they use to make it... I learned that dad either traded his Crown Vic for an El Camino, or went there next. Let's go.

Chapter 5: El Camino's Bartender Margarita

Joe: You know, Frank, the fresh cranberry juice makes this something even Mom would like if she wasn't just a '50s stereotype and actually left the kitchen/library.

Frank: You're right. And I think both her and dad would like this deck, which is why it's kind of surprising we haven't found him yet. Maybe we should... just hang out here for the rest of the afternoon. He's bound to show up sometime. Joe: Whatever. I don't give a sh*t either way. I'm pretty sure I'm adopted. THE END.