Girl Talk With Sarah Walker, Vol. 3

Talk about these things, get thyself laid. Then thank Sarah by reading her other hilarious stuff at sarahwwalker.com

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DiCaprio's Gatsby Trailer Confusing, Involves Jay-Z

Sarah says: "To be honest, this looks stupid. Oh, Jay-Z was an East Egg rapper in the '20's? Cool, makes sense. That said, girls be loving them some Romeo & Juliet, which this same "Baz" dude directed, so I'd segue into that fairly quickly. They also loved the soundtrack, especially that Radiohead song. Alternately, if she wears glasses, you could talk about how Doctor T. J. Eckleburg on the billboard represents God or whatever."
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Miley Cyrus Thinks Sex is "Really Beautiful" and "Cool"

Sarah says: "Talking about sex on a first date is a delicate line to toe, especially in the context of Miss Party in the USA. And you don't want her in your head when you (hopefully) eventually do it. I'd say transition into how she's dating (and presumably sexing) Liam Hemsworth of The Hunger Games, brother of Chris Hemsworth of The Avengers. But talk about the movies, not the hottest brothers to currently reside in The World. You knew that."
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Kim and Kanye Still Dating, Chicks Still Talkiing About It

Sarah says: "Kim and Kanye are two different types of idiot geniuses. Well actually, Kanye is super-talented. And then there's Kim. How them being stupid helps you: your date will have an opinion on her, and most likely Kanye, even if it only relates to the whole Taylor Swift debacle from a million years ago. Also, he might be on her show, which your date totally watches. This could be a good time to admit you read Scott Disick's phenomenal Twitter! Just, please, promise me, don't make any 'imma let you finish' jokes. Just. Don't."
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Johnny Depp Adopted By Kindly Native Americans

Sarah Says: "Have you noticed that Johnny Depp has been talking with the stilted cadence of a wise old Native American forever? Because he has. Does your date care about your witty vocal intonation observations that you just stole from here? Perhaps, but she DEFINITELY cares about Johnny and long time partner Vanessa Paradis possibly separating. In case she gets too distracted and swoony over Depp, maybe remind her that he's secretly 70yrs-old, and you, hopefully, are not."
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Charlize Theron & Kristin Stewart Do 50 Shades of Grey

Sarah says: "This is just a way to bring up 50 Shades of Grey, which is honestly a fascinating conversation point, given its status as (somehow) a worldwide phenomenon. However, as with the Cyrus-sex conversation, please treat the subjects of erotic Twilight fan fiction, S&M, and the phrase "mommy porn" with the utmost delicacy. Also, don't admit to reading it, especially if you have. If you can't hack the pressure of a 50 Shades Grey convo (fair enough) you may discuss Kristen Stewart. Annoying? Awkward? Misunderstood? I PROMISE your date will have a strong opinion."
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