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Thrillist NationCost: $12.53 and up
These convenient seasoning kits range from a half-dozen tins of sea salts (perfect for marinades or a finishing touch on game day), to a selection of 15 exotic blends (Java Love, African Berbere...) called the Grill Guru, so your food'll taste off the Paul Wall.
Cost: $15
These '90s staple zebra-striped pants (avail in red/white and black/gold) will let your sausage breathe even after you've eaten too many to do so yourself.
Cost: $15.52
This full-sized faux-pigskin unscrews to reveal a watertight inner chamber big enough to hold 335 mL of liquid. Just fill it up, screw it on, and toss it around to, um, shake things up.
Cost: $17.50
These "Big Jimmy" hot dog roasters are hilarious, and'll be the biggest d*cks in the parking lot anytime there aren't Eagles fans around.
Cost: $19.95
Break yo' self with this sweet plastic piece, which comes with two reusable mustard/ketchup cartridges you can pop off onto any tailgating fare that's potentially trippin'.
Cost: $29.95 - $59.95
Make your grill literally baller with a weather-resistant, local-team-repping cover designed to look like a player jersey, assuming that player is Vince Wilfork.
Cost: $39.95
Those without the talent to be That Dude Who Mixes Great Drinks can now do the next-best thing: serve 'em from hoses attached to two 105oz tanks that rest in a padded backpack w/ a mesh bag for cups. At the very least, you will definitely be called "that dude".
Cost: $45.00
Ensure the grill won't even see you coming with this camo'd apron, which lets you holster an entire BBQ arsenal (spatulas, tongs, meat thermometers...), and can hold three of your favorite beverages.
Cost: $59.99
This thing holsters everything necessary to seriously Man the grill: thermometer, utensils, cell phone, sauces & seasonings, apron, bottle opener, and chilled brews thank to an insulated pocket called The Chamber -- use it 36 times, and people will call U-God.
Cost: $79.99-89.99
You're gonna need somewhere to rest your fat ass, so where better than the rEvolve, an ultra-comfy, easy-fold chair that comes complete with a cup holder, a super-strong base (you're fat, remember?) that swivels 360 degrees, and an MP3-player dock that connects to speakers built into the headrest.
Cost: $89.95
This team-repping tabletop can firmly piggyback any ride with a 2in hitch, and flips out to form two separate surfaces, so you can still hide in your trunk when roving hordes of Raiders fans come through to rape and pillage... your chicken apple sausages with spicy peach chutney.
Cost: $99.99
These 12lb pop-up bars come with duffel-esque carrying cases, interchangeable skirts for different occasions (Football tailgates! Tiki parties! Football tailgates with Tiki Barber!), and a storage shelf on the 'tender side, all of which'll snap into shape in "under 60 seconds", which is the time it takes Nic Cage to steal a car then make 12 other movies you won't see.
Cost: $219.95
Transform your standard kettle grill into a blazing charcoal pizza oven with this easy-to-install extension kit, which comes with an aluminum pan, a pizza stone, a pro-peel spatula, and hi-temp thermometer.
Cost: $295.00
If you bring the real-deal grill ruckus, this BBQ beast's for you -- its WiFi-equipped temp/ventilation sensors can be installed into any number of mainstream burners, then programmed via the included LCD hub to adjust the heat at predetermined intervals. It'll also text or email if there's a potential problem, as if you didn't already get enough emails regarding fires you need to put out.
Cost: $308.00
For the serious enthusiast, this manly, motorized blender will crank out far-less-manly frozen cocktails thanks to its gas-powered 25cc motor, handlebar throttle, and Oster carafe.
Cost: $2000.00
Easily steered via a dolly-like steel handle, Bren's mid-range 800 has two insulated drawers large enough to chill 24 bottles each, and a 3'x3.5' cooking surface that can be raised via a crank, as stomping on grills totally amps up Jason Statham's heart rate.
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