thrillist

Smell's the most primal sense, and one odor in particular has beguiled men for centuries: the natural scent of woman. Now German "perfumery" Viva Eros has captured this elemental fragrance in a spray bottle, with Vulva.

Vulva's creators intend this product as an enabler of vigorous masturbation (evidenced by their suggestion of spraying your hand, taking a long whiff, and "letting your libido take over"). But even if you're not a demented freak, there are still plenty of worthwhile things to do with your Vulva:

Maintain your reputation: STDs got you off the market? Spray Vulva all over your fingers, hands, elbows, knees, etc, for that real "ladies man" smell, and you'll show your buddies you've still got it-- even if the sores suggest otherwise.

Initiate a breakup: Dousing yourself in Vulva right before you meet for that fateful coffee means you won't have to broach the topic of infidelity, since the scent will do it for you.

Play cruel practical jokes: Spray Vulva on a friend's tennis racket, hair dryer, or toothbrush. When he asks about the smell, tell him "My mother borrowed it."

To keep things interesting, soon Viva Eros will release two new scents: the barely legal bouquet of Vulva 18, and Vulva Exotic, for that zestfully venal essence of the Amazon. Finally, men can enjoy the mystery of these wondrous aromas without panty-raiding freshman dorms or having sex with jaguars.

Add this to My Thrillist

$19.90 at RiechMichUnd.com (NSFW)