Pink Diamonds (now closed) A Tenderloin strip joint gets a first-rate makeover

If you're a fan of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, consider taking that dark secret to your grave. But if you're one of the brave fanciers of Extreme Makeover: Stripclub Edition, consider Pink Diamonds.

Formerly Club Vixen (a second-rate spank-pit worthy of third string 49ers) PD has shed its chrysalis of encrusted fluids and emerged a radiant 3-floor, 43-dancer den of all-nudery.

The airy main floor's decked out with marble columns and grandfatherly armchairs, centered around a be-poled, keyhole-shaped stage; above's the VIP mezzanine, where $10 gets you in, and $20 gets you a lapdance on plush couches so virginal, they're not even terrifying.

Brave souls can descend to the lower level, where you can watch girl-on-girl action in the shower room, crawl into a bondage cage (!), or purchase a $60, three-song stay in a charmingly dungeon-esque private cell and have an upstanding young woman treat you like The Prisoner of Ass-Kaban.

Pink's future plans include implementing periodic "foxy boxing" matches and naked lady wrestling, and there've been whisperings they'll replace their bondage facilities with a co-ed hottub room -- where, thanks to slight differences in boyancies, you could confirm just who's enjoyed extreme makeovers of their own.