San Francisco

Institutions like the NFL, the UFC, and our Governor have you convinced that there's something inherently masculine about violence. To see how girly an elbow to the teeth can be, check out the Bay Area Derby Girls tonight.

The BADG consists of three teams -- San Fran's ShEvil Dead, the Oakland Outlaws, and the Richmond Wrecking Belles -- each as bloodthirsty as the great Lyle Alzado, and as comely in fishnet stockings as the great Joe Namath. The action's brutal: official rules say forearms can be used for blocking purposes, but unofficial rules say there are no rules, a sound policy that's resulted in cracked ribs, broken collarbones, and chipped pedicures that will make you swoon. The stands are just as rowdy, with DJs spinning hip-hop and a volunteer corps of zombie cheerleaders (the official supernatural supporters of all wheeled female competition).

The only break in the bonecrushing's a halftime burlesque show, which'll lull you back into an archaic sense of femininity until some bruiser named Jenna Paineson runs you over with her motorcycle.