San Francisco

3199 Clement St, The Richmond; 415.751.2598

Here to give Burma Superstar a run for its rupee, this gold-walled, be-statue'd café covers its Southeast Asian bases, plating 41 Thai delicacies and 50 from Burma -- coincidentally also the name of G-Unit's upcoming concert for Amnesty International.

Fri, Jan 18 at DNA Lounge: 375 11th St, SOMA

Bawdy cabaret meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre as The Thrillpeddlers, Pookie Patooty, Gorilla X, and more present "bloodthirsty burlesque" and "shocking acts of comedy". (For those with a thirst blood/Patooty cannot slake, the event's sponsored by Bud and Fernet.)

Sun, Jan 27-Fri, Feb 1

In addition to a modicum of luxury (gourmet dinners, apres ski-ery, luxury coaches to the slopes, 5 nights at the Hyatt Regency!), this package boasts lift tickets to Heavenly, personal coaching from US Ski Teamers, and individual video instruction -- so you can work on those helicopter moves while providing valuable footage for Faces of Death 12.

Available midweek Jan 4-Mar 31

$150 gets you and a friend a night at the Eldorado Casino ("What are you waiting for?"), passes to Mt Rose, transport to and from, plus a $10 food credit. The lift ticket's also good for a "First Timer's Package" -- an awkwardly short romp, but we can try again as soon as you're ready.

7p, Fri Jan 18 at The Booksmith: 1644 Haight St, Upper Haight; 415.863.8688

"Bank-robbing! Fish-smuggling! Counterfeiting! Skinny dipping!" Hear these and other botched crimes recounted by their would-be perps, then leap onstage to share your own tale of public masturbation at Busted: True Stories of Getting Caught in the Act.