The Three Martini Lunch
From the era of cigar-chomping Robber Barons through the insider-trading '80s, powerful men were free to get drunk whenever they damn well pleased. Bringing back the dream: Scala's Three Martini Lunch. 
Starting today, the marble-floored, gilt-mirrored downtown mainstay will be offering an off-the-menu prix fixe designed to send you back to the office fat and artificially happy. The deal: you get a trio of martinis (Stoli, Kettle, Tanqueray, or Bombay) to down while munching on a Caesar, a grilled flat iron steak w/ "Cafe de Paris" butter and pommes frites, and a mini dessert (a full-sized dessert would be downright irresponsible). Because you can't rush business, 3Mers are encouraged to linger as long as you desire/need to concoct an awesome lie attributing your tardiness to your dentist/a terrorist/the legendary Kevin Mitchell.
Your total for all this? Just $50. But in keeping with America's rich tradition of padding expense accounts, your unitemized bill will simply read "Prix Fixe Lunch" -- though if your slurring gets you fired, remember that powerful bums are also free to get drunk whenever they damn well please.
