Gentrify
Despite your hip protestations, you probably still have more in common with SF's yuppies than you do with Berkeley's hippies, the Haight's pit bull enthusiasts, or 12 Galaxies' Frank Chu. Facilitate the lifestyle you won't admit to leading, with Gentrify.
You can also flip your search and click a biz's icon for a list of nearby houses/apts, as well as a smattering of random Yelp snippets to see if the denizens are stoked, bitching, or both -- a mish-mash that's only barely more informative than a sign that reads "Impeach Van Buren 12 Galaxies Guiltied to a Omegalogical Theoretical Analysis".