No matter the craft, nothing compares to the experience of studying under a bona fide master -- spend two weeks with Martha Stewart, and your 7-layer brownies will be un-f'withable. Learn the craft of ass-kicking from the guys who invented it, at Shaolin Temple USA.

A seemingly typical martial arts studio (mats, mirrors, Buddhist shrines, drop ceiling), Shaolin Temple's the only place in North America at which to learn kung fu from real-deal Shaolin monks, all trained at the legendary Song Mountain Temple in China, and led by a 34th-gen disciple. Intro classes cover basic stances, combos, and learning to generate max power in a small amount of space; level two incorporates the staff, spear, and broadsword -- chop your leg off, and Kaiser's just a hop, skip, and a jump away. Foundation in place, you'll move on to the animal forms like the Praying Mantis (fluid, devastating), and the Monkey (funny looking, involves groin punches), before taking a crack at the vaunted Drunken technique, where every lurch and stumble's potentially lethal or, if done wrong, grounds for a disgusted monk sending you home in a cab.

There are nine levels of training total, and each class meets 2-3 times a week for about three months before students advance. Level nine incorporates all styles, and makes use of stuff like the spiked "wolf's tooth staff" and the nine-sectioned steel whip, which when spun really fast forms an impenetrable force field -- to deflect an angry hail of sub-par snickerdoodles once your baking goes to crap.

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All the monk-y business (including vids) is at ShaolinUSA.us