Breaking up with someone for good requires a surprising amount of time and commitment, which can make dating again complicated depending on just how far you went to prove you're into dudes. Doing all of your breaking up legwork: The Ex Men.
From a full-on accredited Toronto PhD, EM helps gents who lack the time/skills/looks to create the illusion of infidelity as a way to put a stake through the heart of their undying relationship, saving them from having to emotionally "invest in a second relationship" while ensuring they leave their first one with an I'll-break-your-heart-first "upper hand", which, considering they don't actually have a mistress, they'll be getting well-acquainted with. Fully explained during a one-on-one phone call (for the purposes of discretion), offerings designed to raise suspicions include strategic phone blowups from an unknown number (via both text and voice); mock receipts for gifts she never received/dinners she wasn't at; and "social media infiltration", which ranges from Facebook friendships to posting real photos of you with another woman, as being discovered as superimposed would make you the goat. For more concrete evidence, they'll also arrange live encounters like a dinner between you and an undercover actress where you know you'll be spotted by your GF or her friends, or having the actress confront you and your significant other whilst out on a date, at which point...wait, is this gonna turn into a threesome?!
Of course, the same principles can also drive a woman insane with jealousy, so Ex offers special packages designed to get your woman hot by getting you into hot water -- speaking of which, have you been to the Turkish baths?
Published: April 1, 2011 at 4:00am EDT
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