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Because having your parents teach you how to spell "autochthonous" is not going to help you look sexy while performing a frontside Japan Air with a Mule Kick, check out this type of Homeschool instead: a rugged assemblage of technical boarding gear out of the Great Northwest built for hard riding in all conditions and designed to help you "get dirty in the trees", though how you get Christina Aguilera up there in the first place is anybody's guess. She's mad short.

Wow the bunnies on Mt. Tom by shredding in:

Jackets: Laminate shells boast "superior breathability" thanks to wizard science moisture-wicking Cocona Xcelerator Technology whilst also sporting side-shielded hoods, and intimidating names like the "Naked Raygun" and "With Teeth", also an extremely unpopular answer to the Family Feud question "Name the best way to perform oral sex".

Pants: Vented mesh-lined snow trousers also feature adjustable inner waistbands, cargo pass pockets, and a pant-to-jacket shield, which you can upgrade to an iron pant-to-jacket shield by getting Link to purchase it at the Bazaar for 100 rupees after completing the Skyview Temple.

Apres Shred: Because your riding can only garner so much attention, impress chicks from Marblehead by wearing their funky four-way stretch long sleeve, reversible beanie, or lounger pants made of terry fleece that're odor-resistant, which is what you're going to need to be if Christina is there, begging someone to rub her the right way.

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Stop snowboarding in blue jeans and a B's jacket! Get properly outfitted at HomeschoolSnowboarding.com.