Since your idea of giving to charity involves tipping her extra for getting the DJ to play Candlebox during lap dances, stop being kind of gross and start doing actual good with Threads for Thought: an Earth-friendly line of actually cool shirts/ pants/ jackets from a couple of now-married high school sweethearts, whose sales help support two favored charities.

Impress the membership committee at the Club of Odd Volumes by wearing:

Flannel Shirt Jacket
Evoking a "casual, heritage look", this rugged navy/ orange/ brown plaid number pimps multiple front pockets, a drawstring hood, and lining made out of jersey, so while it might keep you warm, it's probably still pretty abrasive.

Alpaca Shawl Cardigan
Because llama fur feels like anger and bad memories, these charcoal five-button numbers are knitted using Peruvian baby alpaca and boast a shawl collar, and a cuff/ hem that sports ribbed trim.

T4T Utility Pant
Ideal for casually righting downed power lines and restoring electricity during heavy storms kicking around Sankaty Head with Chet and Hadley, these slim-fit Terricotta utility pants sport side slit pockets that're perfect for keeping a roll of singles, in case you're not quite done giving to charity after all.