They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but what if the pen were made from bullets, and the sword was actually a razor, and it was, like, really close to the bullet pen guy's neck? What then, huh? WHAT THEN!? Find out, at Dorian Products.

From an Illinois cat who's constantly getting busy with his wood...lathe, DP's a robust line of pens, razors, and other personal effects embellished with exotic woods, colorful acrylics, and old bullets, so it's good to see that Wes Unseld is still making himself useful. Razors (designed to be compatible with Mach 3 blades) come with ergonomically curved, gloss-finished handles made from rare woods (African Tamboti, Southeast Asian Amboyna...), bands of light bamboo, camo-hued acrylic, and even thrice-glossy CA-glue-coated blue corn cob, so don't niblet. Pens bring bullets into the mix, from a 7mm brass casing with a copper tip & a mini-rifle clip, to a .308 Winchester with a camo top, also avail as part of a matching set including a keychain and a letter opener, cementing your position as the alpha mail.

Among his other creations is a corkscrew (whose handle strikingly resembles a glass pipe) concealed inside a wine stopper, because for all the talk about pens and swords, nobody expects a corkscrew to the neck!