Creating products so steeped in Victorian style, they were clearly made during the course of 16-hour workdays, Nevermore Body Co's a Pittsburgh-based former jeweler now bent on setting you up with old-timey home-brewed grooming aids that'll have women everywhere saying “Who might that rakish toff be? I’d like to pinch his nancy and remove his dunnage!” The goods:

Shaving Soaps: Letting you whip your own face-shaving foam is this goat’s milk/ shea butter paste in scents like the English garden-esque rose/ geranium/ orange honey Sherlock, and the dark & mysterious oak/ vanilla Lord Blackwood, though other lords are quick to point out that their wood is statistically the same size. Studies have been conducted!

Aftershaves: Despite coming in boozy scents like Bourbon (scented w/ hints of oak & applewood) and Whiskey (a malted batch with vanilla notes), these razor-soothing splashers promise they're devoid of actual alcohol, as well as animal cruelty-free, so they're already one up on Dr. Teeth.

Colognes: Available as oils and sprays, colognes keep the theme going with the black pepper/ lemon/ violet leaf Dr. Watson, and the rose/ lily/ lime/ ozone League of Gentlemen, perfect for gammoning glocky haybags into believing you’re one!