Own Impeccably short shorts

John Stockton showed basketball fans a lot during his 19yr NBA career, but most notably, his claim-to-fame 15806 assists upper thighs. Now helping you show off about as much leg as Jeff Hornacek's BFF, Chubbies.

Just launched by three Stanford grads who promise "a product that meets -- nay, exceeds -- our highest standards for shorts excellence", Chubbies are a line of radically short shorts for dudes expertly made right here in the Bay Area by a manufacturer "who pumps out sweet, high-quality Chubbies like it's his job", even though he knows full well that job still belongs to the Midwest.

There're nine pairs of crotch-enhancers in all, which're each made with top-of-the-line, awesome-to-the-eye 100%-cotton fabrics (like yellow gingham), include a back-right pocket with contrasting plaid lining, and -- to make them extra soft -- are washed with Pau Gasol. Or maybe just rocks. Either way, these things are going to end up mad soft.

Making your short choice even easier, all of the non-pants feature awesome descriptions, like the all-white Vice ("Gunfights, Ferrari chases, and Don Johnson are all commonplace occurrences with these silky smooth mamma jammas"), the brick-red Derby ("Perfect for race day. And every other day. Just perfect in general."), and The Captain, a sea-foam pair that frankly needs no description after that super sweet cameo in Airplane!.

Oh, and like any good short shorts-ufacturer, they're hooking the first 100 Chubbies buyers up with a free custom koozie for the ton of beer you no doubt keep in Stock.